In my work with a middle shool peer mediation course, I failed to explore their emotional vocabulary first. I backed up and took the time to explore emotion words more deeply -and was glad I did. 

I introduced the concept of the red haze- the idea that when we are emotionally charged, we are unable to think clearly. Highly charged emotions create a brain fog that we imagine being red, meaning danger. I then defined remorse as deep regret for wrongdoing, students shared experiences of remorse. They realized that the regrettable behavior was almost always while in an emotional red haze. I then asked them what emotions tend to create this red haze. Their list included: mad, sad, bad, and, after a long pause, somebody added ‘pissed off’.  This was the list with which they felt comfortable. They were, of course, familiar with feelings but they seemed either uncomfortable or ill-equipped to express emotions. So, how do we lift that red haze in order to talk about conflict constructively? 

Students reflected on the phrase, “You can’t have the good without the bad.” They deduced that the conflict stories had to do with a shift from positive feelings to negative feelings, so we need to talk about all emotions, good and bad, in order to understand where things went off the rails.  

We created our own exhaustive list of emotions. They shredded dictionaries, old school style, in their search for terms that they thought might be helpful in pinpointing emotions, both positive (enjoyable to experience because they meet our emotional needs) and negative (unpleasant to experience because they do not indicate that our emotional needs are getting met). They found some fun ones! Once our long list was compiled, we spent the next two weeks getting comfortable with these words. We played charades. We lumped synonymous words together and created spectrums of those synonyms, from high energy words to low energy words. We matched antonyms and explained how we understood them to mean opposite things, for example- is love the opposite of hate? or is apathy? They discussed this for days!  We compared our satisfaction levels after listening to computer generated voices versus great storytellers and discussed the long history of storytelling. We read our favorite passages from books using voices that reflected an assigned emotion. These were all meant to be fun and playful as this exploration into emotions can leave some students feeling vulnerable. 

Feeling better prepared to capture the meaning in the storytelling component of peer mediation, we went back to learning the peer mediation process. When they began peer mediation sessions, they found the process beyond storytelling went much faster than they expected. Disputants would say with relief “Yes! That is exactly how I feel!” and the processes of identifying needs, seeking options, and crafting an agreement were much easier than they imagined.  

What was going on? 

When the peer mediators were able to help the disputants move away from “you” messages and instead identify and own their specific emotions in a safe space, both parties felt heard and understood. Storytelling allowed them to clear the red haze. It was the storytelling that promoted compassion and sometimes renewed friendships. The peer mediation students were discovering how to open an emotional release valve in their disputants …and they felt a little magical in doing so. Perhaps they developed an unrealistic expectation of the ease of conflict resolution? Perhaps it was a shift to SEL that needed attention first? 

These lessons align best with Social Emotional Learning strategies, the research tells us that more SEL (Social Emotional Learning) is critical for student success, learn more about the need for more SEL at: Impact of sel SEL: The Time Is Now 

Further Conflict resolution plans like the ones I went back into after this exploration can be found at: 

Click to access conflict-resolution-and-peer-mediation-toolkit.pdf

Click to access CR_Guidelines_and_10_CR_lessons_FCPS.pdf

80% of this Peer Mediation class stayed with me for a second semester course called “Peer Helping”, I gave them the tools to effectively tutor other students and during those tutoring sessions, they were able to use their story capturing skills to help students work through the emotional blocks preventing them from achieving academic success. Partnered up with students who were failing across-the-board, by the end of that semester they saw changes, not just in academic scores, but in their attitudes toward their futures. 

When reaching out to these peer mediation students years later, they expressed some frustration. On the positive side, they felt confident in expressing their needs and concerns constructively when in conflict. Their frustration was that conflict resolution felt rather one-sided; they had to do the heavy lifting when in conflict because they felt few people have the constructive conflict resolution skills that they had acquired.  

Below are some more strategies we used in our exploration of emotions and some links for similar activities. They are appropriate for middle and high school classrooms and clubs which meet regularly. All of them require very little prep or materials and can be done in less than 30-40 minutes or over a period of time in pieces. Discussion of emotions requires a degree of trust building; sharing of personal feelings should be kept optional and minimal while laying the foundation of trust within the group. 

Activity #1  

The Wheel of Emotions 

Time: 40 minutes  

Tools: A copy of the Wheel of emotions (below). 

Students will identify words useful in pinpointing emotions with more specificity.  

Students will compare the feeling they associate with emotion vocabulary and compare it to their classmates feeling. 

The emotions wheel gives us a chance to look at how emotional vocabulary can be helpful. Sad doesn’t mean a lot; but powerless tells much more, and yet, is the word alone enough to covey an understanding?   

The “mild to spicy” continuum explained: A feeling word may be more or less charged (mild or spicy) for each of us, we might feel it differently in our bodies than others. Notice the words on the outside are more specific than the words on the inside of the wheel. 
 

If annoyed is a ‘mild’ feeling for you (low charge, low energy), move toward that end of the room. If you think it’s ‘spicy’ go to this end (high energy/high charge)  

*This example may be helpful: When exploring the word “Annoyed,” Angelo may feel as though he lives in a constant state of mild ‘annoyance’ (the alarm clock, a long assignment, etc) and typically dismisses that feeling (low charge) VS Isabelle, who may find being ‘annoyed’ by a particular person/situation a sensation that just makes her want to break things (high charge)! 

Explore 10-12 words in this continuum style. “Annoyed, embarrassed, enraged, worried, overwhelmed, anxious, concerned, sad, depressed, lonely, isolated, nervous, afraid.”       

Debrief:  

We all have a unique sense of any emotionally charged term, it may be very similar or different for each of us. Does our group seem to have a more common understanding of emotions, or do certain words feel differently in our bodies? 

How might you attempt to get a sense of the energy behind someone’s words? 

Imagine a favorite book that replaced much of the action with a single word, like “Jon was nervous” rather than showing us that John was nervous. Do emotion words alone paint a clear picture of the sensations we have in our bodies to others? 

When we have feelings that are not pleasant, is it a single feeling or a mix of many feelings? 

How can checking for understanding of one emotion lead to discovering more? 

Activity #2 

Ups and Downs 

Time: 30 minutes 

Tools: This requires paper, pencils, markers, post-it notes and either a short animated clip, a smart phone, or a poster of emoji’s.  

Get to Know your “Inside Out” Emotions: Anger 

Get to Know your “Inside Out” Emotions: Sadness 

Get to Know your “Inside Out” Emotions: Fear 

 Get to Know your “Inside Out” Emotions: Joy 

Get to Know your “Inside Out” Emotions: Disgust 

Objective:  

Students will reflect on visual emotional expressions cues and list as many emotion words as they can. 

Students will explore whether we tend to focus on the negative or positive experiences of our day.  

Students will consider the importance of expressing all emotions to tell a story. 

Students write emotion words (on personal lists or shared with a tablemate) that come to mind while prompted by film clips or emoji’s. Encourage then to include other common phrases/slang for emotions.  

If you use the Disney Inside Out clips posted here, be sure to ask them for more specific emotion words. 

Trade lists with another group and add to their list.  

At the front of the room, ask for a positive emotion. The first group with a representative up front with a single post-it note containing a positive emotion gets a point. Place it in a category of pisitive. Everyone should cross it off their list at their table. If another team can express it with their face and body, they also get a point. Do the same for a negative emotion and so on until there are no more offerings. Ask if there are some words that people are unsure of and discuss, create a third list if needed. 

Debrief: 

Do we use positive or negative words more often to describe feelings? Why do you think that is? 

Are some kinds of emotions avoided in daily conversation, or are some used more often? 

Why are emoji’s so popular?   

Imagine an animated character with no facial expression. How useful are animated character’s expressions in telling a story (note how they are exaggerated)? 

Why is it helpful to understand someone else’s emotions? 

Are all emotions important in a story? 

Activity #3 

Share how you feel 

Time: 20 minutes to introduce and 30 minutes a week later. 

Tools: I suggest they record in a journal daily.  

Objective: 

Students will look for an opportunity to share how they feel with someone else by using an “I” message. 

Students will observe and record the reaction of the message receiver. 

Students will discuss the ease or difficulty they experienced in sharing their feelings.  

Say: When others can connect how you feel to what you’re experiencing, they are able to understand you better and even be helpful. As you go through your week, try experimenting with a three part “I” message at least once a day:  

“I feel ____________ when ____________. I’d like __________.”    

Your message shouldn’t sound ridged, just be sure to include a specific feeling, an observable act or fact, and what you would like to happen in the future.  

Try to speak with someone specifically and make eye contact if you can. 

If you have a request, ask with kindness. If you can link how you feel to a reason, add it.” 

For example, “I feel cared for when you get my favorite snack, mom, because sometimes I don’t eat a big enough lunch. I love having these handy after practice.”  (notice the reason added? Notice the soft request?) 

Or  

“ I’d like to go study someplace quiet because I’m feeling anxious about tomorrow’s test.” (notice the soft request to meet your need?) 

Or 

“When I have my homework done early, I can relax. I hate the stress of having it hang over me. I want to get it done in class.”  (Notice the request for help meeting your goal? Notice the link between what you don’t want to feel AND what you do want to feel?) 

Or 

“Please wipe up the spilled water. I’m worried my paper will get wet and I’ll have to start over.” (Notice the gentle but direct request? Notice the worry is for a reason?)  

When you share an “I” message, journal about the response you observe in others. Pay close attention to how they receive it and how it felt in your body to deliver it- natural, anxious, liberating, powerful?  

Follow up in a week: 

In a small group, share what you each observed after sharing “I” messages. What different reactions did you observe? 

Was it easy or difficult to create an “I” message in your head? 

Was it easy or difficult to deliver it? How did it feel in your body? 

Did it matter to whom you were addressing? 

Is it always easy for people to receive complete messages like these? 

Why or why not? 

How can “I” messages prevent conflict? 

Activity #4  

Listening with our Ears and Eyes 

Time: 20 minutes minimum -depends on the video you choose. 

Tools: large enough screen to allow your group to view a show. Choose a convenient show with which they are likely unfamiliar.  

Objective:  

Students will identify visual and audio cues to emotions 

Students will use active listening to create better understanding of a situation in a story. 

Students will only listen OR view a short (5 minute max) clip from a show.  

*A great first watch then listen option, but consider trauma sensitivity in students. In this scene Radar has to report a deadly plane accident:  Mash- Colonel Blake Dies  

A great option to watch or listen in either order: Ron Weasley getting his dress robes from his mother- there are many students, many reactions:  

Funny Weasley Scene #59 | “They’re not for Ginny, they’re for you” 

A great listen first then watch option (there are no words!) This is a great nonverbal alternative that makes a case for the power of nonverbal emotional cues and the fullness of a story with real ups and downs, it’s the life story montage from the Disney movie Up”: Disney UP – Carl & Ellie – EMOTIONAL LOVE STORY ADVENTURE BOOK ULTRA HD VERY SAD PARADISE FALLS 

Discuss what they think they either heard or saw with regard to emotions, consider voice tone and inflection, choice of words, OR  gestures, use of props, and facial movements.  

Next review the clip using the other sense, (if you watched, now listen, etc).  

Debrief #1: 

What did you miss when you were only able to either see or hear it?  (discuss any assumptions made) 

Which one (seeing or listening) gave you more information?   

Test this with a second clip. 

*Got time? Watch a whole short show. Assign each student a particular character to watch and identify all of the emotions the character portrays during the show. Ask each student to make a case for the most animated character with evidence –often a character who makes the richest story is a favorite, even if they are antagonist. 

Debrief #2: 

*What makes a great actor and why do we use great actors voices for animated shows as well? 

How can we listen to someone more actively to get the whole message? (tease out active listening skills) 

Are nonverbal messages just as powerful as verbal messages? 

Is an emotionally vibrant character more enjoyable to watch? DO they tell a richer story? Arethey better understood? 

Activity #5 

Emotional connections to our own stories 

Time: varies greatly 

Tools: none from the classroom 

*This activity is a great way to open the class every day with one student presenting daily for the last half of the semester.  It is a reminiscent of the old days of ‘show and tell’. Do not put students who feel vulnerable sharing on the spot, let them go later or in a smaller group.  

Objective:  

Students will reflect on the emotions they have experienced throughout life and relay them in a group setting through storytelling. 

Students will practice active listening to support the person sharing. 

Students will choose 6-8 different emotions and match them with 6-8 personal items to share within a group. For each item they share they are to tell a story that helps the group understand the emotion linked to that object shared, just a few verbal sentences. Encourage them to share conflict pieces and not just warm cozy feelings. 

Discuss the importance of non-violating behaviors as listeners: Interrupting, judging, criticizing, joking around, offering advice, bringing up your own experiences, distractions, stereotyping, making false assumptions 

Remind the audience that they are to work just as hard as the presenter to listen actively.  

Poll students to find out whether they understand the connection between the object and the emotion. If they do not, allow them to ask for more information with open-ended questions so they understand the link. 

An example of an object might be:  

A seashell from a trip- The student might tell a story of how they were so afraid of the water until they finally jumped in.  

A picture of a dog- the student can share what they felt when they met their dog the first week.  

A recipe for a favorite family dish- The student can share how they feel when they eat as a family or maybe it reminds them of a time in the past or a favorite holiday. 

A bandaid- May be symbolic of the time they were so angry they lost their balance and had an accident and cut their arm.  

Debrief: 

How does storytelling allow us to connect with others? 

Were some stories revealing things that might make someone feel vulnerable? How do we honor someone’s bravery when sharing emotions? 

How many of you thought you might experience a different emotion under the same conditions? Do our past experiences change how we experience things? 

How many of you were excited to relay a similar experience of your own but remembered to focus on the speaker? 

What do you think may affect our capability to share life experiences? 

To the speaker: what behaviors in the group made you feel comfortable while you shared?